Remember book reports from school?  Did you hate doing them as much as I did?

Why is it that now that I’m more or less (ahem) mature, that book reports seem like a fun idea?  Anyway, as a part of my relentless campaing to bore you silly, I’m starting a series of book reports.  Unlike my teachers of yore, you can rest assured that I actually did read the book from cover to cover.

Today’s treasure is A History of the World in Six Glasses, by Tom Standage.

Rather that boring you with a synopsis, if you are interested, you can get one at the author’s site.

Although the entire book is fascinating – a gem of amusement on every page – I liked best the chapter on the “Victorian Internet.”  The similarities to today’s world are striking. Tom Standage has a gift for poking through the stale and crusty surface of the obvious to find the gooey natural goodness of the obscure.

This book was a Christmas gift from my son.  Thanks, Hans. You know your old man well.

We all have small visitors to our gardens – often unseen by us.  Kermit, however, likes to hang out where the night lights shine. That’s where all those tasty bugs are.

Here’s Kermit visiting our leaf strainer last night:

I like Kermit.  It makes me feel happy whenever I see him.  I think he knows this.  He came around for a beer last night to congratulate us.  We just got a new motor on our boat yesterday.

If you see Kermit hanging around your house, say Hi for me.

If you’d like to read about Kermit and all his lain, have a look at this.

We’ve been seeing this stuff while diving for years.  Much speculation over many beers has not produced a convincing explanation of just what it is.  Some say it’s poo.  I say, “Poo!” to that.  I think it might be egg casts from some kind of bêche-de-mer (or sea cucumber, if you prefer).  The ‘beads’ are about the size of large pearls.  If fact, it looks like a necklace made of cement.  You can pick it up as a string, but it is very delicate and falls apart at the merest flick.

Anyway, here’s a photo of the stuff:

If you know what this is, or you have a funny guess, then please click the Comments (or No Comments) button below to enlighten or amuse us.

I’m going to do a series on amusing things that I see in my Garden.

Those who have seen my garden will nod and wink and punch each other’s arms saying, “Yeah, sure – His Garden; what a laugh.”  Okaaaaay, so its just the dirt in front of my house where our haus meri shoves stuff in the ground to see what will happen.  I know it’s not Kew, but it’s ours.

Anyway, I’ll start with one of our favorites – the sunrises.  Our house faces more or less east, so if I wake up between about 5:30 and 6:00, sometimes it is worth losing sleep.  Here’s an example:  (remember, you can click on any photo in this blog to get a larger version)

Well, some pictures speak for themselves.

Stay tuned for more vaguely amusing stuff from My Garden.

In an experiment conducted in Britain (where else do they throw public money by the tonne at such projects?), people around the world were invited to judge jokes on an Internet site as well as contribute their own.

The LaughLab research, carried out by psychologist Dr. Richard Wiseman, from the University of Hertfordshire, attracted more than 40,000 jokes and almost two million ratings.

Okay, since I can hear your heavy breathing from all the way over here, I’ll present, without further ado, the WINNER – The FUNNIEST JOKE IN THE WORLD!:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

Funny?  Well, I suppose it depends on which hunter you’re asking.

Come on . . .  I KNOW you want to know what the SECOND FUNNIEST JOKE IN THE WORLD IS.

Okay, here it is.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.””I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” exclaims Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

Okay, settle down.  If you want to go to the source, check out laughlab.co.uk – the whackos who dreamed it up.  Or have a look at the Wikipedia article on the subject.

Looking forward (NOT!) to my upcoming roamings in North America, I thought it best to scope out the lay of the land.  I found something that should be of interest to anyone heading that way who wishes to escape alive to return home.

Now, is that a dog’s breakfast or what?  Have a peek at The Worst Food in America.  (More likely, the Worst Food on the Planet.)

If you’re worried about travel safety, I’d avoid the Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing (Yes, kiddies, the USA does have an Austrialian-themed eatery.  It also features Koala Burgers.)  If you venture down this risky path, you will be down 2,900 calories before your main course arrives.

Okay, I give up.  Nobody is sending in anything for the Notice Board idea.

I’m going back to the notion of a personal blog.  If anybody is interested, read it.  Comments?  Have a go.

This will probably end up being a daily journal thing that nobody will read.  (Yeah,  I can put all my secret stuff here!)