You KNOW That You WANT to DO THIS!

No Gravatar

When was the last time that you really wanted to smash something?

I don’t mean give it a kick or punch it. I mean obliterate it!

When I came to my office this morning, so many things weren’t working that I had to take a Vallium.

I moaned, groaned, ripped wires out, kicked things, and made calls to ‘experts’ (one of which suggested something drastic which actually worked). By 2:00 in the afternoon, the genset was working again and we were back on the internet.

The genset and internet problem were not related to each other. They just decided to collaborate their timing to maximize the torture level.

Waterboarding? We don’t need no stinking waterboarding! We got COMPUTERS!

(By the way, I may be the only person that you know who has been seriously and genuinely waterboarded. I am not saying where or when or why, but I promise you that I’m telling you the truth. If anybody ever wants to debate with you whether waterboarding is a genuine torture, please direct him my way. I will set the story straight.)

Anyway, I dropped by Kyle’s office (my boss’s boss) and asked him if he would like to have a little fun. We out to the back veranda and proceeded to get a bit of payback on the unruly technology.





Ahhhh, satisfaction!


If you have never wanted to do this, then there is something seriously wrong with your wiring. I have to tell you it is immensely relieving. I only wish we had had more altitude. I was hoping for much more carnage.

I am going to ask Sir Peter if he will take me up in his Robertson helicopter so that we can drop a computer from about 1,000 metres onto the top of the Telikom exchange. Or maybe on the power house. I figure if he’s driving we won’t get into any trouble. I’ll be sure to yell, “Oops” really loud when I drop it.

I do not think that he will go along with it.

However, I’m still going to have a very pleasant dream about it tonight.

Let me know where you would like to see a computer dropped. I’ll be more than happy to supply the computer.

Maybe we can figure out a way to bomb ourselves into a state of unbridled euphoria. There must be some way to do that that doesn’t involve gargantuan quantities of alcohol.

This could catch on. It could be the “Next Big Thing”.

Be Sociable, Share!

3 Responses to “You KNOW That You WANT to DO THIS!”

  1. Nick Reese Says:

    I love it! I bought a mobile phone that had a complete Java operating system in it – nice, but half the crud in it wouldn’t work (and I couldn’t send SMSs as I could not turn off that stupid automatic word completion dictionary feature) – I had great please at throwing it at full force at the wall one day.

    I must admit though, I’m good enough with computers not to need to drop them out of buildings – next time drop me a line and I might be able to diagnose the problem for you!!!

  2. MadDog Says:

    Hi Nick,

    Oh, we fix them all the time – that’s the problem! The one we disposed of with such ceremony was an old AT style case containing an ancient motherboard and a 166 CPU, an old SoundBlaster card and little else.

    It’s not how much you destroy, it’s how much you enjoy it.

    Next time I get stuck on a hardware problem, I’ll email you.

    By the way, how DO you turn off that thing that tries to complete the words for you. It drives me nuts! That’s why I don’t SMS.

    I guess I’m just too old.

  3. Madang - Ples Bilong Mi » Blog Archive » My Bleeding Internet Connection Says:

    […] The program sends out little messages to whatever location you want to test. These messages say, “Hey, are you there?” The device on the other end is supposed to answer immediately back, “Yes, I’m here.” The wildly fluctuating black line shows how long it takes for the answer to come back. Geeks call this “latency.” I call it simulated waterboarding. […]