Yoga Toes

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PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: This post has absolutely nothing to do with the practice of yoga.  I’ve been practicing yoga since I was a child. I possibly know more about it than you do. If you do not read the post or if you misunderstand it, then please don’t leave a comment extolling the virtues of yoga, since this post is not  about yoga. It is about a stupid product that people buy because they are fooled  into thinking is has something to do with yoga. If you’re one of those people, then I’m sad for you. I won’t bother to allow any more comments that have nothing to do with the real content of this post. (Have a look at the comments to see what I mean. Very comical!)

I’m forever on the lookout for stupid stuff that people buy. Not that I want any of it. It is only for purposes of intense amusement. This one made me shake my head in wonder:

Yoga Toes
Okay, I can understand that some people might want to have their toes played with (we will call it massage, but we all know that it’s something else). Personally, I’m very skittish about who touches my feet, as I made clear in Instructions to My Masseuse * in my post Mad Dog Gets a Lube. (Please note the red asterisk and read the footnote BEFORE opening Instructions to My Masseuse. )

Have a look at those contraptions. Do they seem a mite risky? I would not trust my lower phalanges to any device, let alone something that strongly resembles an automated guillotine.  What if something goes wrong? Will your toes be scattered across the floor?  (Cat got your toes?) Can you walk around with these gizmos attached to your feet or must you sit back and take it? In precisely what manner does YogaToes “Improve and prevent foot problems”?

I’m keenly suspicious. However, if you are still teetering on the edge of desire for “Great VIBES for you toes”, the visit the YogaToes web site.

While we’re on the ticklish subject of toes, I’m compelled to present to you a Public Service Announcement concerning BAD SHOES. On my recent bush walk I gave my shoes away to one of my porters after only six hours of trudging up and down the mountains and slopping through the streams. My big toes were killing me. Once I was rid of the shoes I was fine. I’ve had nearly three decades of going barefoot most of the time to toughen up my tootsies. Here’s what Cruel Shoes can do to your precious piggies:

Oh!  My toes!Sorry to have to put you through that.

Let me make it up to you by showing you my cheery chilli bush the way it looked this morning in the Chablis coloured morning light:

My chilli bush in the morning sunlight

The last time I got this excited about chillies was way back in March 2008 with Shiny Happy Chilies Holding Hands.

* Contains suggestive language that may or may not offend according to your sensibilities. If in doubt, don’t read it. It’s intended to be funny, but your mileage may vary.

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19 Responses to “Yoga Toes”

  1. Jemmah2 Says:

    I practice Yoga at home mainly for the purpose of having a relax mind and body. Stress is really high on our workplace and yoga helps me relax.
    .

  2. MadDog Says:

    So many people miss the point here. Yoga Toes has nothing absolutely to do with yoga and my post is intended as humour. I don’t poke fun at yoga here; I have practiced yoga since I was a child. That’s why I have this magnificent body. However, the Yoga Toes device is ridiculous. So, I’m ridiculing it.

  3. Jimmy Says:

    I started taking Yoga lessons last month and i am amazed of how it can take away the stress of my mind and body.
    *****

  4. MadDog Says:

    Sorry, Jimmy, you also missed the point. Yoga is good stuff. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid. That’s why I can still put my big toe in my mouth (after washing, of course) at my age of 66. Neither Yoga Toes nor the post has anything at all to do with Yoga. It’s just another stupid product with a misleading name. That’s why I made fun of it.

  5. Acne Therapy Asia (this is an obvious attempt to get an advertisement on in my journal) Says:

    Many yoga classes are out there, and you may be turned off if you pick one that does not suit your personality and state of physical fitness. For most beginners, a hatha or vinyasa class will be most appropriate, depending on whether you want a slow or fast-paced class. These are basic styles, and you can always try something fancier later.

  6. MadDog Says:

    Is there no end to people who don’t get this post? Please try READING IT before you comment! It has nothing to do with Yoga. I was tempted to just call this spam, since you obviously did not read it.

  7. Kember Says:

    it is easy to learn Yoga although it seems difficult at first try. I practice Yoga mainly for relaxation and for improving my blood circulation.

  8. MadDog Says:

    Okay, I’ve about had it with people who don’t read this post and then tell me all about yoga. I’ve been practicing it since I was a child. This post has absolutely NOTHING to do with yoga. It has to do with a stupid product that people buy.

    If you don’t read the post first and understand it as humour that has nothing to do with yoga, then don’t bother to leave a comment extolling the virtues of yoga.

  9. Steve Goodheart Says:

    Stop, MadDog, stop, tears are running down my eyes!

    Damn, this is a funny post, and it’s amazing how “inattentive” people are…..action/reaction, without thought or attention, not very “yogic”. LOL!

    Now, excuse me while I assume the Upward-Down-Dog-Corpse-Flies to the Moon-with-Vigorous-Pranayama pose….OOOOOOOOOOM!!!!

  10. Steve Goodheart Says:

    Jan, by the way, on a more serious note….my wife and I recently started wearing these:

    http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/

    and here:

    http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2009/05/07/vibram-five-fingers-shoes/

    and we absolutely love them…they take some adjusting to get used to, and you need to start out slow first using them, because you kind of learn how to walk again, but they are fabulous. Both Sarah and I found old injuries doing better, and our feet just feel healthier. Can’t say enough about them.

    Steve (no, I don’t have a franchise for these puppies…they are just way cool.)

  11. MadDog Says:

    Ooookaye . . .

  12. Steve Goodheart Says:

    You sound skeptical. Don’t knock ‘em till you’ve tried them, my man. Basically, it’s the joy of going barefoot again. I tramp all over my beloved Berkeley Hill in them, no problemo.

    But, yes, your mileage may vary. They are not for everyone. :)

  13. MadDog Says:

    Aside from the fact that I would be laughed out of Madang, I hardly ever wear shoes at all, especially when I’m hiking. My soles are like leather.

    If you like ‘em, I say go for it. Just don’t show up at the Madang Club wearing them unless you want to take a quick swim in the harbour.

  14. Steve Goodheart Says:

    LOL! I’d love to go barefoot most of the time.

    I admit they do look funny, but I don’t care, and here in Berkeley, no one really notices anyway! :)

  15. mike Says:

    thank you for this great article, I love it.

  16. MadDog Says:

    What can I say, Mike? I note that your blog is about yoga. I can only assume that you aren’t a robot and you did read my post and understand that it has nothing at all to do with yoga. So, I gues that you simply found it to be funny, which is what I intended. I’ll take that as a complement.

    Good luck to you in your futrure life.

  17. The Essentials of Modern Living | Madang - Ples Bilong Mi Says:

    [...] from her mouth and another in which I featured an astonishingly stupid product called “Yoga Toes” which had absolutely nothing  to do with yoga. (Justin Friend, do not  comment on [...]

  18. Paige Price Says:

    I have been doing Yoga since college and i love the way that it can relax my body. yoga is great for stress relief. `

  19. MadDog Says:

    Well, that’s very nice, Paige, but if you’d actually read the post, you would know that it has absolutely nothing to do with yoga