I Utilise My Time Machine

Posted in Humor on August 15th, 2009 by MadDog
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Tomorrow morning I caught this beautiful sunrise at about 06:15 ENT (Earth Normal Time).

Perhaps I should explain. But first, the sunrise:

Gob-smacking Sunrise

Last week I suffered a seizure of ABL (Acute Bone-Laziness), failed to post on Friday, refused to drive into town on Saturday, went to the beach on Sunday, and spent Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday feeding you a steady diet of fish, because I had nothing else up which to serve you. (I really hate it that I can’t end a sentence with a preposition. What idiot dreamed up THAT one?)

I have weakly committed myself to avoid that mess as often as possible. Therefore, I’m getting into my time machine today to produce a post that will magically appear as if it had been posted tomorrow. In other words, I’m writing this on Friday (which is actually Thursday for most of you on the other side of the IDL (International Date Line) for appearance on Saturday, (which will look like Saturday to you, but is actually Sunday for me), so that I’ll have no nasty hole in my calendar on Monday for me but Sunday for you. Got that?

Here is a detailed schematic of my time machine which I built out in the laundry shed. You could whip one up in a couple of days if you can get your hands on a couple of hundred kilos of Unobtainium (Chemical Symbol – Um), which, unfortunately for you is difficult to find anywhere except PNG where we are, fortunately, up to our cheeks with the stuff. Of course, we haven’t had a #2 Phillips screwdriver landed since August of 1983, but we can fix that with the time machine, can’t we?

A time machine that you can build in your garage

Seriously though, if you could go back in time, to when would you go, to where would you go, and what would you take with you if you could only take, say, ten kilos (besides your clothing, of course)?

I have spent far too much time thinking about this. I’ve developed several scenarios, none of which entirely satisfy me.

The one that comes closest to making me grin is probably sometime during the industrial revolution somewhere in Europe. What I’d take with me is easy – BOOKS! It would be cool if I could take them as microfiche strips, because then I could take a whole library in ten kilos. If I had to restrict myself to paper, I’d tear off the covers and just take the guts. I’d take as many college level textbooks as I could get past the weight limit – chemistry, physics, maths, biology, botany – what have you. I’d soon be the wealthiest man on the planet or the deadest. Plenty of people would kill for that kind of knowledge if they saw the books.

It would be pretty cool to show up in a time machine that looked like this:

Time machine movie prop

Bizarrely enough, this is a popular subject among the young eggheads that I usually hang around with (okay, okay – with whom I usually hang around). I’ve heard some genuinely wacky ideas. One friend wanted to go back to ancient Egypt and knock off Cleopatra to take her place. She was going to take ten kilos of pantyhose with her.

What do you think?