What a Country! – Shame on Digicel!

Posted in Humor, Mixed Nuts on May 14th, 2010 by MadDog
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Well, it’s Friday afternoon and I’m feeling downright sassy. I got me another new job this week selling Internet satellite equipment for a huge company. That’s three jobs I am currently holding. Between the two of us taking on extra work while still putting in full time at our current employer, we have nearly replaced all of the money which has disappeared when churches suddenly decided that we are no longer the flavour of the month or we are getting too old. Hah! We’re just getting rolling. Eunie was elected Director (that’s as high as you can get) of our organisation here in PNG. Does that sound like someone who is ready to “come hone” and sit around waiting to die?

Only one small issue remains – sleep.

However, that’s not what I’m here to talk about. And neither is this:

That was sunrise at my  house this morning. Sorry if it is a bit in your face.  I am hoping to get the cover of Our Way  for that one.

What I am  here to talk about is a situation that is so fraught with absurdity, irony, comedy and perfidy that it should be in some kind of record book for Things Which Ought Not To Happen In A Reasonably Governed Nation.

Let me illustrate:

I’ll attempt to explain as best I can. I am not conversant with the facts in this case. I am only presenting the logical conclusions of a reasonably disinterested observer. If I get it wrong, somebody can scream and shout and jump up and down about it. The fact is that somebody owes the people an explanation. I’m prepared to listen to it. Let’s dispense with the facts for the moment and simply deal with the appearance.

The pole belongs to PNG Power, a government  owned monopoly. The big satellite dish in the background is owned by TELIKOM, the government  owned communications momopoly (well, it was  a monopoly – read on). Got that so far? It’s all government  owned stuff here. Okay, sometime ago Digicel, a cell phone peddler, came in somehow, nobody is quite sure how, and kicked the snot out of TELIKOM (remember, the big satellite dish?) for the mobile communications business. At first everybody whooped and hollered, “Competition! We’re saved!”, but it soon developed that nefarious powers colluded and prices for mobile communications did not come down anywhere near world standards. The two competitors simply met somewhere in the middle. We’re now paying only ten times the world market price for everything that communicates instead of one hundred. I suppose we should be grateful.

Stay with me, now. I’ll get to the point, if you haven’t already figured it out. If you have, you are already laughing.

So, My Question IS:  What is a Digicel advertisement doing on a PNG Power pole outside the TELIKOM main exchange? Hey, if it were just one, I’d say that it’s a very clever joke and immediately purchase the jester a beer at the Madang Club, if I were a member. But it’s all over town!

At first the poles were simply painted red and everybody was scratching their heads and complaining that it ruins the look of Madang. Now Digicel has turned our entire town into one giant advertisement. That’s really crappy and I don’t like it one bit!  Digicel, you don’t own Madang! SHAME ON DIGICEL!

What’s more is the big  question of how does Digicel get the rights to place their ads on government owned property. Remember, that’s the same government (I think. Nobody is  really sure right now.) which owns TELIKOM, Digicel’s only competitor. Exactly how did this occur? Whose money was exchanged for what rights and how was it approved? Certainly nobody consulted the citizens of Madang. How does it benefit anybody in Madang? How does it even benefit Digicel? I’m ready to throw my Digicel handset into the rubbish tip. Would any other residents like to join me? We could make a big pile of them and burn them in protest.

I haven’t talked to anybody who’s happy about this. I just heard a comment about what Digicel is doing along Coronation Drive, the place where many of the beautiful photos in Madang – Ples Bilong Mi  originate. Look at this monstrosity:Disgusting!

If Airlines PNG (a private company) is really smart they will now get Air Niugini (a government near-monopoly) to allow them to paint, “Fly Airlines PNG” on the sides of the Bird of Paradise fleet of Air Niugini.

Okay, that’s enough rage for a Friday afternoon. Look at this incredibly warty tree:

Did you ever see so many warts on a tree? I wonder what causes it.

Have a gander at this splendid crab:It’s dead, I’m afraid. When I first started taking its picture I thought it was alive. Alas, not so. I placed it on this leather coral to see if I could fake a live crab. It reminds me of the Dead Parrot  shtick from Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue… What’s, uh… What’s wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, me lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, ‘e’s uh, … he’s resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, aidn’it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!

I swear:  the above crab is resting. Permanently.