Yoga Toes

Posted in Humor on April 23rd, 2009 by MadDog
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PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: This post has absolutely nothing to do with the practice of yoga.  I’ve been practicing yoga since I was a child. I possibly know more about it than you do. If you do not read the post or if you misunderstand it, then please don’t leave a comment extolling the virtues of yoga, since this post is not  about yoga. It is about a stupid product that people buy because they are fooled  into thinking is has something to do with yoga. If you’re one of those people, then I’m sad for you. I won’t bother to allow any more comments that have nothing to do with the real content of this post. (Have a look at the comments to see what I mean. Very comical!)

I’m forever on the lookout for stupid stuff that people buy. Not that I want any of it. It is only for purposes of intense amusement. This one made me shake my head in wonder:

Yoga Toes
Okay, I can understand that some people might want to have their toes played with (we will call it massage, but we all know that it’s something else). Personally, I’m very skittish about who touches my feet, as I made clear in Instructions to My Masseuse * in my post Mad Dog Gets a Lube. (Please note the red asterisk and read the footnote BEFORE opening Instructions to My Masseuse. )

Have a look at those contraptions. Do they seem a mite risky? I would not trust my lower phalanges to any device, let alone something that strongly resembles an automated guillotine.  What if something goes wrong? Will your toes be scattered across the floor?  (Cat got your toes?) Can you walk around with these gizmos attached to your feet or must you sit back and take it? In precisely what manner does YogaToes “Improve and prevent foot problems”?

I’m keenly suspicious. However, if you are still teetering on the edge of desire for “Great VIBES for you toes”, the visit the YogaToes web site.

While we’re on the ticklish subject of toes, I’m compelled to present to you a Public Service Announcement concerning BAD SHOES. On my recent bush walk I gave my shoes away to one of my porters after only six hours of trudging up and down the mountains and slopping through the streams. My big toes were killing me. Once I was rid of the shoes I was fine. I’ve had nearly three decades of going barefoot most of the time to toughen up my tootsies. Here’s what Cruel Shoes can do to your precious piggies:

Oh!  My toes!Sorry to have to put you through that.

Let me make it up to you by showing you my cheery chilli bush the way it looked this morning in the Chablis coloured morning light:

My chilli bush in the morning sunlight

The last time I got this excited about chillies was way back in March 2008 with Shiny Happy Chilies Holding Hands.

* Contains suggestive language that may or may not offend according to your sensibilities. If in doubt, don’t read it. It’s intended to be funny, but your mileage may vary.

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In My Garden #4 – Shiny Happy Chilies Holding Hands

Posted in Humor, My Garden on March 4th, 2008 by MadDog
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As I was going to the car, I saw these cute little chilies just shaking off the morning dew.  Had to run back into the house to get my camera.  Here they are:

Happy Chilies

As I was taking the photo, the R.E.M. song Shiny Happy People started relentlessly humming in my brain. (Yes, it’s a strange and wonderful place in there – I hope I don’t have to relocate anytime soon.) So, without further elaboration, here’s an homage to R.E.M. for making me feel good this morning (with apologies to the songwriter).

Shiny happy chilies laughing
Meet me in the bush
Chilies chilies
Throw your love around
Love me love me
Take it into town
Happy happy
Put it in the ground
Where the chilies grow
Gold and crimson shine

Odly enough, the title of the song came from a Chinese propaganda poster. The song appeared in Michael Moore‘s anti-war film Fahrenheit 9/11 during footage of George H.W. Bush visiting the Saud family.

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