Tonight’s post will be mercifully short. Of course, that’s what I always say when I plan to blather on until you are nervously looking over your shoulder to see if the boss is watching you waste the company’s valuable resources surfing the web.
As you may have learned from previous posts, I am off to Fiji tomorrow to join my gorgeous woman for eight blissful days of working my bum off writing magazine articles to pay for my trip. Sounds like fun, eh? Well, it’s better than staying at home in an empty bed. I get freakier than usual when she’s not around. I mean scary freaky. I talk to myself. Sometimes I talk to Eunie, even though I know she’s not there. “So, where did you hide the jam? I can’t find the jam. Yeah, I know it’s in the fridge, but where in the fridge?”
And then there’s packing. That’s one area where I take no chances. I never travel anywhere, including clear around the world (about twelve times now) with anything more than a back pack. My theory is that the less stuff I have to pack the more likely is that I won’t forget anything important. Does that make sense? I can’t tell.
Here is my packing:
I have my clothes: a shirt with a collar, two t-shirts, a pair of “tropical whites”, some crappy old shoes, the necessary undergarment or two and a belt to hold my pants up since my bum seems to have evaporated into old age The backpack will soon contain my Toshiba. I also have my Speedos, the modest kind, my dive mask, underwater housing, cameras (two), battery charger, Valium, Nasonex and another drug which I shall not name, but which is very necessary. There’s the all important passport and about half a tree’s worth of paperwork necessary to get me to Nandi and back. Oh, the wallet is there too.
Poor Sheba is in a dither. She has been acting more strangely than usual since Eunie left on Friday. Though she looks relatively calm in the photo, she has been running around in little circles scratching the floor where there is nothing but dust bunnies and whimpering as if she were saying, “Something bad’s gonna happen, I just know it!” I think that she has lived with me too long.
I never bother with toothbrush, toiletries, etc. I just get what I need when I need it. I don’t have a cell phone, because some jerks stole it from my boat last week. More about that later.
I don’t take much clothing, since I compulsively wash out whatever I wore that day before I go to bed. It’s usually dry enough to wear in the morning. If not, I go the back-up garment.
HAVE I FORGOTTEN ANYTHING? For pity’s sake, please call me immediately if you note that some critical item is missing.
Never fear, I shall continue, connections allowing, cluttering up your screen with my sorry excuse for daily entertainment. I might even stumble onto something amusing. Hey, I’m not Jay Leno. What do you expect?
If I do, I will surely pass it on. If I don’t I’ll just keep taking up space.
I just noticed. I managed to mention my bum twice in this post. Is that too many times?
No, wait! Make that three!