A Dog in a Red Dress – TELIKOM

Posted in Rants and Rages on June 25th, 2009 by MadDog
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Well, I’m as sick as a dog and stuck at home. This is going to be short, because I can’t stay on line with the decades-old copper wires that Telikom laughingly calls a phone system.

Telikom is a Dog in a Red Dress:
Telikom - the DOG in a red dress
Don’t ask mye why this strikes my as funny. My head feels as if it is stuffed with wet cotton (may be, for all I know), and I’m doped up on enough decongestants and antihistamines that I can’t actually tell where my fingers end and the keyboard begins. It’s like some kind of weird direct connection. Maybe that’s why I’m typing so fast. Man, I can’t ever remember typing this fast.

Anyway, back to the blood-sucking beast that we call Telikom. They keep telling me how much they are improving. Okay, they gave us some fancy little (cheap) desktop wireless phones that are supposed to connect us to the internet also. Guess what. The drivers won’t install. The local manager Mike Yandt (yes, I’m naming manes) told me on Monday morning that he would have my phone at home fixed the next morning. I asked him if he was sure. No worries was the answer. It’s now Thursday and still no phone that will stay connected. What kind of progress are they talking about . . . precisely?

I’ve given up on the normal means of trying to get things done. I’m going to start writing to anybody who will print what I send them. The Post Courier, The National, radio, tv, I don’t care. I’m going to raise as big a stink as I possibly can. Those of you who know me understand that I can stink mightily.

I’ve been trying to get a decent phone here in DCA for twenty years. Telikom can’t (read won’t) do it.

Okay, if that’s the way it’s going to be, then the gloves are off.

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Back to What Passes for Normal

Posted in Humor on January 28th, 2009 by MadDog
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It looks as if most all the problems of moving Madang – Ples Bilong Mi are in the past. I still have a few issues with old images not showing up and there’s something wrong with the gallery plugin, but I can get back to regular posting now.

The image below is from yesterday in our front yard. It’s not the QE2, but it’s a big cruise ship. We didn’t see it when we left the house. Sometimes, we don’t notice what’s right in front of us. When we drove into town we could see it sticking up at the end of Modilon Road, and we wondered how we’d missed seeing it at home:

Presumably rich folk are aboard

This reminds me of the time that an Air Niugini jet ran off the end of the runway right in front of our house and we didn’t notice it in the morning: (this image has appeared here previously)

Air Niugini's Jet Boat Service

Yesterday evening I was sitting in my “reading chair” with a beer and a cigar and I heard very loud Italian opera music coming from outside. This is not something that is normal in Madang. In fact, since 1981, it has never happened. I don’t know about before that, since I wasn’t here.

Anyway, it was that one that goes, “Da-da-daaaaaa. Da-da-daaaaaa. Da-da-da-da-da-daaaaaaaa.” Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a Philistine. I don’t mind opera. I just don’t understand Italian and I can never remember the names of them.

Anyway, I got up to look out the door. Just then, the cruise ship tooted very loudly three times (the standard signal for “leaving port”) and pulled away from the dock.

If the above doesn’t amuse you, let me try this.

TELIKOM turned off all of our phones (probably about twenty) because they messed up again in their billing department. Never mind; it happens now only occasionally. It used to happen every month. Of course, they want you then to pay a reconnection fee, but we learned long ago to thumb our noses at that nonsense.

So, to get my weekly jab in at TELIKOM, I’ll show you this beautiful (and typical) “work in progress” shot of our connection box in front of our office:

TELIKOM work in progress

Messy, eh?

Fortunately, it wasn’t raining yesterday.

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Glenn Douglas (Dougie) – You Are a Double Winner!

Posted in Mixed Nuts on April 15th, 2008 by MadDog
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Dougie, you’ve won both of my recent challenges. Never mind that you were the only one to respond to either.

I owe you a K20 Digicell card for your response to the “What Does This Sign Mean” contest. I should have inspected the sign more closely. The key to the puzzle was right in front of my eyes.

The slogan “Always There” should, of course, prompt any PNG resident to come back with the sassy response, “Always There, Never Here!!!” How very astute of you.

Next time I see you, remind me to hand over K20 to you. I don’t imagine a Digicell card would be very useful to you, except possibly as a trophy. You won it fair and square.

Concerning the second prize-winning answer – Of COURSE it’s a Tiger beer – brewed in Singapore. It was just too easy. Sorry there’s no cash prize for that one, but you do have my undying esteem for presenting yourself to the world as a cultured person.

You have a lot of mates back in old Madang who long to see you. Come back to our little family whenever you can, Dougie. Eunie’s waiting patiently for a big hug and a juicy kiss from her Teddy bear.

And thanks for being a loyal reader. My little daily ego stroking exercises cleverly disguised as a weblog are important to my well being, no matter if anybody reads them. It’s nice to know that someone does – and actually enjoys doing so.

Cheers, mate!

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Wonder Why Your Phone Does Not Work?

Posted in Humor, Mixed Nuts, Opinions on February 29th, 2008 by MadDog
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Apparently, (remember that I’m no expert on the subject) it has something to do with Telikom’s “Failure Assurance” maintenance plan.  The beauty of this plan is that it allows Telikom to collect exorbitant fees while allowing the entire infrastructure to rot and then extending to its customers the privilege of waiting months to get someone to fix a phone.  I have friends who have simply given up.

As you might imagine, I have an example of Telikom’s “preventive maintenance” skill.  Here’s a junction box in front of my office.  (Click on the picture to see a bigger one.)

Telikom junction box in Madang

The lid was broken into two pieces, so I don’t think I violated the law in lifting it enough to take the picture.  The gaps in the lid are apparently big enough for someone to fall into – witness the shoe!  There is also plenty of room to shoot in a carefully aimed stream of buai spit.  As for the smell – you don’t want to know.  And when it rains, it is of course full of nasty water.  Hmmm . . .  Water – Electricity?  I seem to remember that they don’t play well together.

Kiddies – Don’t Try This At Home.  It’s probably not a good idea to go around poking into Telikom’s junction boxes for photos.  If anybody bothers me about this one, I’ll tell the truth.  It was broken. My foot slipped in.  I was just trying to get my shoe back.  Oh, and by the way Telikom – You owe me K1,000,000,000.00 in compensation for my broken leg.

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What Does This Sign Mean?

Posted in Opinions on February 20th, 2008 by MadDog
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I’ve been seeing this billboard on Airport Road for some time now. Each time I see it, I get a certain feeling. Can you guess what it is?

Telikom billboard on Airport Road

What do you think when Telikom claims to represent the spirit of PNG? Does Teilkom’s business plan of treating its customers as if they were a necessary evil represent the nation’s spirit? Is the spirit of PNG held up for the world to see by Telikom’s pathetic attempt to maintain a monopoly so that it can charge more for services that are much less expensive elsewhere? Is that what PNG’s spirit is? Does it make you feel good that Telikom claims to embody the spirit of PNG even as it fails to provide the services that businesses and other organizations need to grow so that they can provide more and better services to the people?

I’m going to start a little contest. The person who uses the Comment button under this article and sends me the FUNNIEST answer to the question, “What does this sign mean?” will win a K20 Digicell prepaid card. That’s right – Use the Comment button to send me your funny idea of what the Telikom sign means and, if I decide that your answer is the funniest, I’ll give you a Digicell card worth K20. We’ll take a picture and post it on Madang – Ples Bilong Mi.

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